


I'm So Leaving You

by PandorasBox (AdriannaRhode)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Who even knows, a little bit gross in some parts, and eren is too, and innuendos, are they americans?, i must have typed the word gum about nine million times, levi is a pain in the ass, like jesus christ so much gum, obnoxious soccer moms, rated for language, so much chewing gum, the gum wall, they're perfect for each other what can i say, why are eren and levi in seattle?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 07:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11664054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriannaRhode/pseuds/PandorasBox
Summary: “If I have to put a piece of gum on this godforsaken germ-ridden wall of fucking disappointment, then I’m at least gonna do a good job.”





	I'm So Leaving You

**Author's Note:**

> Long story short, I visited the Gum Wall in Seattle (where people stick their chewed gum on the wall in this big alley for some fucking reason) and saw something that was just begging for a fic to be written about it.

“Hey, brat. Hand me a piece of gum.”

An innocuous request, really. Doubly so because of where they were at the moment. Levi had whined and resisted, but eventually he let Eren drag him away from the local organic produce and down a slightly shady-looking alley packed with tourists.

“Here.” Eren handed his – ahem – boyfriend a piece of boring, boring sugarfree mint gum, already chewing away happily on a bright blue wad from the gumball machine around the corner.

Levi accepted it silently and slid it into his mouth, joining Eren in staring up at the wall in front of him. A brightly-clad tourist darted in front of them and stuck her own piece of gum to the wall, where it joined the millions and millions of other already-chewed bits and strands stuck to the cinderblock. 

“This is disgusting,” Levi muttered.

Eren nodded eagerly in agreement, missing the way that Levi’s eyes were sparkling with mischief, instead of narrowing in disgust like usual. 

“Why would people start doing this?”

“I’m glad they did,” Eren replied, leaning closer to the multicolored expanse of gum, his fingers itching forward.

“Hand me another stick of – don’t touch it, for fuck’s sake,” Levi snapped.

Rolling his eyes, Eren passed over the whole pack. 

“You’d think they would have been more upset that people put nasty-ass chewed gum on the outside of their world-famous market,” Eren said, “But I guess they think any tourist attraction is a good…what are you doing?”

Levi had unwrapped no less than seven more sticks of gum, and was calmly chewing the whole wad with his cheek puffed out like a chipmunk with the sheer absurd amount of it.

“The fuck does it look like I’m doing?” Levi mumbled.

“Losing your mind.”

“If I have to put a piece of gum on this godforsaken germ-ridden wall of fucking disappointment, then I’m at least gonna do a good job.”

“Can’t argue with that. Where are you gonna put it all?” Eren asked, deciding that taking it in stride was preferable to starting an argument. Again.

Levi shrugged as he scanned the walls, sleepy grey eyes determined. Eren left him to it, pulling the quid of gum from his own mouth, set on finding the perfect spot. A more perfect spot than Levi’s, if possible.

He edged past a group of tourists speaking in loud California drawls and dodged two baby carriages, until he reached an emptier part of the alley. Stretching up on his tiptoes, Eren placed his gumball as high up on the wall as he could reach. Satisfied, he turned to find Levi.

He found him staring thoughtfully up at the very center of the alley wall.

“Any luck?” Eren asked.

“Here.”

“Here?”

Levi pointed up at his chosen spot, some eight feet up the wall.

“…Levi, you are five foot three.”

“Did I fucking stutter?” Levi glared at him.

“I’m just saying.”

“Help me put the fucking gum in the spot that I fucking picked on the fucking wall.”

Eren blinked at his boyfriend. “Why are you like this?!”

“You brought me here. Now help me,” Levi ordered.

“How?”

“Lift me on your shoulders.”

“My shoul- I’m barely taller than you!”

Levi shrugged, stuffing one more piece of gum into his mouth. “You’re like, what, five-eight? That’s a solid height difference.”

“Why the fuck do you need to put a whole pack up there?” Eren asked, exasperated.

But Levi just grabbed Eren by the arm and pulled him down into a one-leg kneel, and threw his own leg across Eren’s shoulder. He clamped his thighs around Eren’s head, and defeated, Eren took hold of Levi’s ankles and stood up. 

“Fucking finally.”

Eren stroked his thumbs along the inside of Levi’s calves absentmindedly. “You know, in any other situation, having your crotch pressed to my head like this would be kinda hot.”

“Shut the hell up,” Levi said, right at the same moment as a bleached-blonde soccer mom in a Juicy Couture tracksuit tsked loudly in their direction.

“This is a family attraction. Can you please keep the sinful language and…” she glanced up at Levi, draped over Eren’s head and playing with his shaggy hair, “behavior to a minimum?”

Levi stared coolly at the woman and her two little children, clinging to the back of her track jacket and screeching for her attention. 

“You can go fuck yourself.”

“Levi!” Eren yelped, mortified, “I’m sorry, he-”

“Those kids gotta learn not to be a fucking bigot, Eren.”

“You can’t just curse at random families!” 

“I can and I did.”

“I will drop your ass into the gum wall, I swear to you!” Eren hissed.

Levi kicked his heel into Eren’s chest like he was starting a horse. “Shut up. Go over to the wall.”

So Eren maneuvered them gingerly toward the wall, trying not to touch the worryingly fresh-looking gum with any crucial body parts. Levi leaned forward, and began pulling the twisting the gum in his hands. 

“If you get any of than in my hair, I’m leaving you,” Eren said sweetly.

“Get me a little closer,” Levi replied.

In hindsight, Eren should have known that things would go to shit. They always did.

As Eren toddled another step forward, one of that homophobic woman’s angry banshee children stepped into the way. Eren swerved, his Don’t-Squash-Children instinct beating out his Don’t-Piss-Off-Levi instinct, and slammed into the damp, sun-baked, horrifically sticky wall. Flailing momentarily, Eren’s hands and Levi’s knees pressed deep into the layer of disgusting chewed gum.

Levi sighed heavily, and Eren braced for impact.

“What,” he rumbled, “the FUCK, Eren?”

“Shit, sorry, I can…” Eren tried to back away from the wall, but Levi slapped him sharply across the back of the head.

“You’ll fuck it up. Let me finish.”

“Not to take your place as the clean freak in this relationship, but I want to unstick my hands and possibly my head from the fucking gum wall,” Eren grumbled.

“I’m so close,” Levi insisted.

Eren chuckled in spite of himself, “Sounds like you last night.”

Levi laughed, just loud enough for Eren to hear, before turning stoic again. He worked quietly for a moment, and then tapped gently on the top of Eren’s head.

“You can move now.”

“Also sounds like you last night,” Eren added.

“Don’t push it,” Levi deadpanned.

Eren peeled himself away from the wall, bits of gum sticking to his palms and a few wayward strands of his hair. He shuddered.

“This better have been worth it, Levi, goddamn. It better be the Mona-fucking-Lisa up there...”

But Eren’s voice trailed off as he looked up at Levi’s handiwork. 

“Well?” Levi prompted.

Spelled out in messy handwriting formed out of thick strands of gum, high above their heads, was the word “LEVI.”

“Not bad, right?” 

Eren didn’t mean to. He really didn’t. But he burst out laughing so hard that Levi shook on top of his shoulders, clinging on for dear life.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Eren wheezed, “That’s what you wanted to do?” 

“You little brat!” Levi half-yelled.

“I-it’s just your fucking name! You’re such an idiot!”

And Eren laughed even harder, tears forming in his eyes and threatening to spill over as he absolutely choked on his own abject delight. 

“Okay. Joke’s over. Let me down,” Levi said.

Eren made no move to help him, so Levi slipped one leg free from over Eren’s shoulder, with every intention of climbing down his severely unhelpful boyfriend like a jungle gym. Unfortunately, Eren’s balance wasn’t the best when he could barely breathe for laughing, and they swayed dangerously to the side.

“No, Levi! Shit! I’m gonna fall over, fuck-”

And with a grand squeal like a hamster getting hit by a truck, Eren fell face-first into the gum wall. Levi stepped down to the ground, unscathed but with a look of utter disgust twisting his features. 

“Eren, that’s fucking disgusting.”

A moment of silence. Two. Then Eren pried his face free, a dead expression in his eyes. Pieces of gum clung to his hair and the edges of his face like a horrible halo of germs.

“I’m never kissing you again,” Levi said, pulling a travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer out of his pocket and handing it to Eren.

Eren just stared at him. “The gum got in my hair.”

“I know, brat.”

“I’m so leaving you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Someone literally spelled out "Levi" in gum about eight feet up, and I could not resist the idea of my love, five foot three Levi Ackerman, trying to do that. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.


End file.
